Let the Love Tear Us Apart...

... I've Found the Cure for a Broken Heart, Let it Tear us Apart...

...PILLS...

haha

My Heart is Yours to Fill or Burst...

Im giving it a try. Im giving you a try. Im giving me a try. Im giving us a try. Im giving happiness a try. Im giving disappointment a try.

Im giving love a try.

and i'll try as hard as i can to make you happy. because i want to see and feel your happiness.

I dont want you to feel alone anymore. you're not alone. you have so many people and you have me and i Love you. and i always will. regardless of future outcomes. i will never cease to love you.

I Promise.

Im giving heartbreak a try...

There goes the Fear Again

i hate myself.
i hate my emotions.
i hate because i hurt.
i hate because i hurt other people.
i hate because i hurt people that i care about.
i hate because i hurt people that i care about beause i can not trust.
and i hurt because i refuse to trust and so i push push away and convince myself that they dont love me because of something small they do.
i push because im scared.
im scared to trust.
i cant trust because it hurts to trust and then to be let go.
it hurts to trust and to know that just like yourself, other peoples emotions are transitory and they may not feel the same the next day.
i hurt because nothing is permanent and to know that hurts and it tears and it breaks me.
i hurt because i try to love and realize that i dont and i hurt people.
people hurt me and now im doing the same.
i think i love and then i realize i dont and it sucks.
it sucks because i feel that i do and i open up and i pour some out and i make that person feel secure and loved.
and then i dont feel the same way and i try to secure and love other people.
and that hurts people.
they think i love them romantically and i at one point am convinced that i do to but i am not.
my emotions are transitory. they change too much for my own good.
and i hurt because i hurt people.
because i cant make everyone happy and i try to.
i try to love and be someones security so they know that they are cared about. secure.
i try to love because no one will love me.
i try to love hoping that they will love me back.
And when they do i stop. ive filled my selfish security and i move on.
and i break people i break them down and i break myself.
its my addiction.
i break them and break myself more and neeed more the next time around.
i break others and i break myself.
am selfish and i break because im selfish.
i cant stop.
i need to stop.
i just need to feel safe and secure.
but i cant offer that to anyone and no one can to me.
get over it.
i am selfish and i hate.
i hate myself.
i hate myself because i hurt
i hate myself because i hurt others.
and they dont understand. and they hate me for hurting them.
and their hurt manifests into tears and pain.
and i break. i break to see them break.
and i hate myself.
i hate myself more making them break.
bu i want them to understand and they cant and wont.
i dont even understand.
and i hurt and i hate because im just proving to myself that love cant exist.
because i do it.
because i break people who fall "in love"
i want someone to prove me wrong.
i am self destructive in doing so. but i cant stop.
i dont care i just need the temporary satisfaction.
it is my addiction.
and i need.
and im selfish.
and i hate my self for being selfish but i cant stop.
im learning to stop.
i want someone to prove me wrong to show me that can love one and just ONE
prove me wrong.
please prove me wrong.
before i break completely.
before i break eternally
prove me wrong.

p.s....

when im with him i literally cant be without him. it sucks. like i just need to be around him. and im really happy with that sensation.. damn im reaaly physically attracted to him hahahaha damn damn preeooww preeooow

but heres the thing...when i really am not around him. i dont care for him. he doesnt even come to mind and i dont miss him. just when im with him. but whens hes gone i dont long for him. thats not good. i dont like him. my emotions suck.
i feel like i like someone and then i get over it. i guess its just not that strong of a feeling. it is what it is. just a crush and i try to make it seem like i really like him. but im lying to myself. its just a crush. a crush that i can get over, over night. uhggghh when will i meet someone who really grabs my infatuation.

i also miss maheen...alot . shes stuck in pakistan. fuck who am i gonna share my gossip with??

blsdkfg jdffdgjbd gf wish shit wasnt always stirred up for me

Lets start fresh

sooo i met this really amazing guy.. its ridiculous how much i love his personality. he seems to live in a dream world, and i can say whatever and he goes along with it. hes just amazing. hahaha hes a beautiful man. hes everything i look for. too perfect? no i dont have a set standard of perfection, so no one is perfect but hes someone that is just perfectly suited for my personality, or soo it seems so far. and im taking things slow.
and i think thats good so that we really see who we are. and we dont go in and then give over.

soooo im taking it slow and its good.

im definitely not saying that im going to fall in love, but i have a feeling about him. i hope things turn out ok

New start

im not gonna try and fall in love with people im just gonna go with it. and im into this guy. who seems imperfectly perfect. it makes me smile and i long for any contact with him again.

Dull Life

One mistake in a subtle way
Like I'm walking again, all on me
Step slowly, you know that you fall between
Dark places, what a simple web we weave

We sing the nightmare of the lies that you speak
The beast that I lie beneath is coming in
We sing the nightmare of the lies that you speak
The beast that I lie beneath is coming in

Know my cell
Know my cell
Well, all hail
the prison queen
Iron bars
Iron heart
Iron bars
Everything

A hundred years old
A hundred years old

Last on the village scene
Fall apart
Iron heart
More alive than you've ever been

We sing the nightmare of the lies that you speak
The beast that I lie beneath is coming in
We sing the nightmare of the lies that you speak
The beast that I lie beneath is coming in

Well, it's a dull life
It's a dull life
It's a dull life
It's a dark place
It's a dull life
It's a dull life
It's a dull life
It's a dull life

Know my cell

We sing the nightmare of your lies
We sing the nightmare of your lies
We sing the nightmare of your lies
We sing the nightmare of your lies
We sing the nightmare of your lies
We sing the nightmare of the lies that you speak
The beast that I lie beneath is coming in
We sing the nightmare of the lies that you speak
The beast that I lie beneath is coming in

Know my cell