Queen of Apology

"

Quick fix and heartbeats, gets me so easily
Now you got me on my knees
This will be the death to me
Tic tac, time goes by, hits me so suddenly
How you knock me off my feet
I'm the Queen of Apologys

Now I'm fighting this feeling
but it never stops, never stops
I'm still waiting
And I'm stuck with this feeling
will it ever stop, ever stop?
I keep trying

I blame no one, but myself
so honestly, is this how it's gonna be?
Tell me, who's the enemy?

Monkey on my back keeps me so desperately
How you got me on my knees
This will be the death to me

So sick of this feeling
but it never stops, never stops
I'm still waiting
And I'm stuck with this feeling
will it ever stop, ever stop?
You see, I'm still shaking
And I'm fighting this feeling

This will be the death to me
I'm the Queen of Apologys

And I'm fighting this feeling
but it never stops, never stops
I'm still waiting
And I'm stuck with this feeling
will it ever stop, ever stop?
I keep trying
And I'm fighting this feeling
And I'm stuck with this feeling
will it ever stop, ever stop?
I keep trying

This will be the death to me
This will be the death to me
I'm the Queen of Apologys"

haha this is seriusoly my song. no doubt about it.

<3>

So Yea Pink Floyd will always sum up my life

this is how i feel:

"If you didn't care what happened to me,
And I didn't care for you,
We would zig zag our way through the boredom and pain
Occasionally glancing up through the rain.
Wondering which of the buggars to blame
And watching for pigs on the wing."

-pigs on the wing (part 1)


And this is how i want to feel:

"You know that I care what happens to you,
And I know that you care for me.
So I don't feel alone,
Or the weight of the stone,
Now that I've found somewhere safe
To bury my bone.
And any fool knows a dog needs a home,
A shelter from pigs on the wing."

- Pigs on The Wing (part 2)








<3

So kiss me hard cause this will be the last time that I let you

im going to miss having someones arms and body envelop me in every comforting, securing way. every start has an end. and im happy that its going to end. distance always seperates good things. but when distance is the only circumstance it means that fate had to have had it this way. but im definately going to miss you. everything about you all the good and all the bad. because the bad wasnt even that bad. no regrets ill miss you.and i do love you.

when i thought i had only dipped my toes in, i realized i was already knee deep.

but its all good. itll all be ok.





<3

You're blind to your own emotions

it sucks because i know that he sincerely wants someone to love. but he knows and i know that its not me. hes just so desperate for that company and security and i see that now. its sad to see him try so hard, but i cant force myself to fall for him. in my opinion love needs to come naturally and unexpected; should never be forced.
His ideals are soo different than mine. And im not going to settle for whatever.
"if we settle for nothing now, we'll settle for nothing later..." -RATM.
our differences would never correlate. im sorry but we're just not meant to be. i think i was trying to fall in love initially but now i realize i cant live life just trying to make other people happy. i have to make myself happy first.



Like Devendra Banhart sang..." the need for peace starts from within..." but even if im not comepletly happy, i would sacrifice anything to make the people i truely love happy.


<3

Love?...

i think im so infatuated with the thought of love that i give in easily.
yea that wont happen again.
we grow and learn everyday. and im growing and my eyes open wider.
..becoming less naive. ew i dont want to be mature haha but in the sense of love...yea i do....

i mean i read older posts, and i was like...what the fuck?

haha how could i think that it was real?
so naive. i need to open my eyes.

but its all good now

3 months to graduate and start differently=)
meet new people


<3

All the girls standing in the line for the bathroom...

im so over the thought of love. i dont love. Im so fucking over it. I swear sometimes he makes me feel like i can really like him. but damn. i opened my eyes wider, and i realize i dont and hes not right. so i was sad but i finally realized fuck this i dont have to do what i dont want to. fuck it if im hurting people, if theyre not worth it then i shouldnt even care. so i realized that and it made me happy. just because i know my best friend and one of the only people i reaaally love and would die for or die without is in my life and will always be. shes there. i dont need a fucked up guy right now. i just need to have fun. wiothout restriction...and he is my restriction. i think thats why ive been soo sad. because i wanted him to alteast pretended like he loved and cared fro me while we were together but he doesnt even do that. so im ovvveess. haha now were still together but im definitely not going to think were attatching. so ill just wait till he breaks up with me. haha because i suck at breaking up with people. then i start to feel bad and it all turns to shit. soo yaa
im in it like whatver and im tired of caring what they think. whatver hahah.

.....time to have fun. =))






<3>

You have stolen my heart

and i didnt want you to. why did you...i really care about you and i do love you and only want to make you happy. no im not in love with you. that isnt real. but i do love you very much. im tired of making you sad but i cant fully trust you or anyone. im sorry.
i love you and i only ask that you handle it with care. you can set down glass without breaking it. i just hope that when the time comes you let me go without breaking me. youve softened me a little and made me a little more fragile. please dont break me...