I NEVER thought I'd say this...

...but miley Cyrus' song is sooooo true. its so juvenile, but that's what my relationship with him was. there was no love not even friendship love, and i thought there was a friendship love. but there wasnt. it was just "like" and it was immature and juvenile. haha but her song "7 things" is literally talking about my relationship. and its weird because I've never been in a relationship like this one.a stupid typical highschool relationship full of stupid highschool relationship drama.ive never had it.haha its a little funny. I tried to end it but shit happened and it made me sad. I dunno what the fuck is going to happen... but life sucks. fuck life man I hate living. its shit.

You can cut ties from all the lies that you've been living in

I don't want it. It sucks. I give in to easily and thats something I dont need to do. I don't feel resentment towards you anymore and I dont feel anything. I want someone that needs me. I need to be needed. And I dont want commitment because I'll just get hurt. I don't want and don't need it. And then sam is really bringing me down. I think I want to get rid of it. I'm sorry I thought I could care for you, but you just make it difficult.you do and say things that show me you dont care. that its just another stupid highschool relationship with no real meaning. and you said it wasnt that. and i just wanted to be genuinely cared for as a friend. but your stuck in your stupid highschool with stupid people. i thought more of you. but youre the same. And so I don't want sam or anyone. I want nothing. I just want to go. i want to be free of ties so i can finally fly.

.

Yeah I have no idea

I don't want love. I don't want anything. It just fucks things up and its always one sided. One always feels more than the other. Fuck that I'm over it. I just want to adventure. Wandering streets meeting new people. Sleeping and dreaming. Best friends. I love that. Hmmm imngoingbto be happier

Sometimes...

... I wish I was dead.

Sleep...

...only happens when im not home.
and when im within the comfort of being around you.
but i was blind to fallacies.lies.a false love that someone promised and never had. false love that everyone promises and never has. a false hope that i fell for and am learning to stand up from. thanks to you.i know i am not in love with you. but i do know that i love you. and i cherish all that you've done for me.

I think I love You...

...But...


...I have no idea what that is...

And You Know...

" i don't want to be you're regret. just wanna be your cocoon..."

you understood.
you understand.
and thats what i needed.
no bullshit.
you dont pretend to love me.
because you dont.
and i love that.
the honesty.
no bullshit.
and thats what im tired of. false hope, and love.
thank you for youre honesty. i cherish that the most. and i long for you. i miss you.

The Past and the Pending

Today, yesterday...i was softened. i was so upset at the far past and dint think i could latch on to the present because it wasn't there like i wanted something to be.
i was wrong.
You were able to re-open my heart and refill its emptied color.
i have no idea if you can crack it open and paint yourself with it. but all i know is you were able to refill it.
Yesterday i let go. let it all escape.
you caught my tears and held me until i i could cry no more.
today you let me know you cared. i will never be more thankful for anything than what you've given me:
HOPE.LOVE.COMFORT